Blurred Lines
by Eve McCarthy
Summary: ^Spoilers For Final Episodes^ When boundaries have been crossed, when everything has fallen apart--Spike returns from Africa. S/B...though they have a while to go before then. (Previously posted as "Trust")


Blurred Lines

By Tigress Eve

Rating: PG-13as of yet. 

Disclaimer: Joss is God. (And there really isn't anything else to say, is there.)

Spoilers: A whole lot. Possibly up to the Season Finale of Season Six. I hate spoilers, but I can't resist their sinister attraction. And my Muse snuck up behind me with a bucket of cold water and dumped it on my head. (The water, of course, in this strange metaphor, being my story.)

Dedication: To Isabelle, wisteria, thrombus, starbaby, Nocte, ColdCoffeeEyes25, and all the other wonderful angsty S/B writers at FF.net. (Authors of humorous fics, I love you too, but I don't think this one is going to be that funny.) A special thanks to Chris, whose email got me to get off my butt and upload a story. 

Distribution: Sure, just ask nicely.

Feedback is appreciated muchly.

Author's Note: All words in italics are Buffy's thoughts. Some are her actual thoughts, others are remembrances of actual occurences, and others are her remembrances of events or conversations that my brain cooked up from the recent spoilers. You can probably tell them apart, but if not, just review and I'll fix it.

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"Bottom line is, even if you see 'em coming, you're not ready for the big moments. No one asks for their life to change, not really. But it does. So what are we, helpless? Puppets? No. The big moments are gonna come. You can't help that. It's what you do afterwards that counts. That's when you find out who you are. You'll see what I mean."

~Whistler~

Becoming Part I

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Buffy absolutely hated waiting. And yet, here she was. Buffy was waiting. Waiting for Giles to call. Waiting for something to happen. Anything. She couldn't stand just waiting. A Slayer is meant for action. _What kind of Slayer are you, Buffy? _A nasty voice asked in her head. _You let your best friend turn into a monster. You slept with the enemyhow many times? _

A door knocked, interrupting her reverie. Slowly, she walked towards it, opened it. And immediately wished she hadn't. She stood frozen in the doorway, staring at the platinum blond who stood outside her house. Outside, where the world was figuratively crumbling. 

Where Jonathon and whats-his-name were roaming the streets with God knows what contraptions. 

Where Willow–_Oh God, Willow_–was seething with dark magic and revenge for her lost lover. 

Briefly, she saw Xander's joking face in her mind.

__

"But Willow, you're supposed to use your powers for good!"

Anya–Anyanka was out there too, vengeance demon once more. No more Anya fondling the money, or dancing the dance of Capitalist Superiority with Dawn. No more tactless comments, no more loving embraces. Just vengeance. 

__

"They were my light at the end of the tunnel." Not just for relationships, she now realized. For life. They were what she could be. Happy. But even underneath their happiness was a fear that destroyed them.

The tunnel has grown longer and deeper, more complex. The light has all but flickered out. The Scoobies were torn apart. One dead, one across the ocean, two succumbed to their darker instincts. Boundaries were being breached, old territories were being discovered, all because of simple events. Moments that weren't so big, but ended up changing lives. All she had known for the past year was destroyed, malformed. 

Just Buffy and Xander and Dawn were left, inside her house, where it was safe, if only for now. But now, nothing in the outside was important anymore, except for one sillhouette. One black leather and peroxide blond figure standing, illuminated by her porchlight. One that inspired in her more fear now than it ever had before. One more not-so-Scooby, who at the moment was cautiously looking at her.

"Spike." The name slid through her lips. _Not him. I don't need him right now to add to my problems. Please, don't let him be here because of why I think_ But before she spoke further, she remembered. Remembered times they had stood here before

~

__

"Like it or not, you can't shut me out–" Buffy slamming the door on Spike's face, ignoring the torn expression he wore.

_"Come in, Spike." Spike tentatively entering the Summers house, trying to hide the joy on his face._

_"I've seen the bloody Bot before, didn't think she'd patch up so–" Buffy walking down the stairs, watching Spike as realization broke over his face. Realization, awe, and love_

~

_No. Not love. He can't love me._ Buffy thought. 

__

Not anymore. He left. And not only did he leave for Africa (Hey, that's the farthest any guy's ever left me), he left to get his chip out, to become what he once was. A killer.

"Hullo, Sl-Buffy." She saw a new expression on his face. Unease. If all else failed, you could always count on Spike being all cocky self-confidence. But here he was, like a preschooler on his first day.

"Spike." She repeated. _Oh God, he's back. His chip. Is it still there?_

"Is this the welcoming committee for me?" Spike grinned as he stepped in. "Seems like everyone's gone." 

Gone

_Willow screaming as a gun rings out, watching Tara slump over to the ground. Willow turning Tara over onto her back, pleading, sobbing, "Please Tara, c'mon baby don't leave, don't leave, don't leave me, DON'T DIE!" Willow feeling the wound, bringing her hand up. Her hand, doused with blood, with Tara's blood, her lifeoh the bloodShe's dead Gone._

Buffy blinked. "Dawn's upstairs."

"Where's Red? Is she still off magic?" 

__

Willow looking up at Warren, eyes bottomless black holes, hands crackling with red fire. The air was humming. Willow standing. Preparing, readying to kill. Tara is gone. Warren will pay-

"Um. No. She's not." Buffy couldn't talk, though her mind was racing. _*What if he wants to kill me again? What if Willow and Anya aren't the only ones gone bad? Is Dawn safe? What ifwhat if_

"Not?" Spike knit his brow. "Not home, or not still off mag–" 

"What happened to the chip?" Buffy asked, stone-faced. _There. Better to be blunt about it. No time for him to reason with me if It's out. No time to make me doubtto make me care._

Spike's face grew apprehensive. "Now, Slayer, before you make any assumptions, I'm not here to–"

As soon as he spoke, Buffy closed her eyes. She knew. _Oh God, he did, he got it out._

Opened them. Swallowed. "Just tell me. Did. You. Get. The. Chip. Out."

Spike's face, usually so animated and full of life, was blank. He set his jaw.

"Yes."

Buffy closed her eyes again, breathed in, tried to ignore the tears burning the backs of her eyelids. "Get out," she whispered. 

"What?" When she looked at him his eyes were shocked, betrayed. "Just let me explain–"

"No. Just get out. Out of my house. Out of Sunnydale. I'm giving you a chance here, Spike." She strengthened her resolve, and stared at him. "Leave, and I won't kill you."

"Buffy, I haven't killed anyone! Listen to me. I got my chip out so I could prove to you–" Spike was desperate now, she could tell.

"Prove to me? What were you going to prove to me, Spike?" Buffy's voice was scornful. "How much of an idiot I was for sleeping with a vampire again? Why I should have staked you when you first got the chip?" She REFUSED to let the tears spill.

"No, pet, listen." He grabbed her arms, bringing her towards him so they were facing each other. She glared back at him stubbornly. "I got the sodding chip out so I could prove to you that I don't need it. You know I'm not going to kill you. I had a million chances this year. And do you know why, Buffy? Because I've bloody well changed. You've changed me. The chip has changed me; I don't need it anymore, don't you see? Trust me!"

"Trust you? Why should I trust you now?" She shouted.

__

"Do you trust me?" She looks over as Spike holds up a pair of handcuffs, daring her with his expression, and yet incredibly serious.

"_We're gonna sort this out. Trust me." He looks into her eyes, into her anguished face, as she clings to his arms helplessly. _

"Because I love you." He said softly. Her expression softened slightly, and he brought up a hand to stroke her cheek.

_"I never wanted to hurt you Anya, I love you!" Xander pleads._

_"Love?" Anyanka crackles harshly. "You don't love me, Xander, I don't love you. There is no love. Love is just a lie, a human lie. It's not for demons, we know better. Im not human; I don't need your fantasies of caring and affection. I am a demon. Made for vengeance. Love is nothing, means nothing."_

Buffy stiffened, remembering, eyes flicking away from his gaze. But still she didn't move. 

"Buffy? Luv?" Spike questioned, his eyes pleading.

She finally looked back at him. "I told you, don't call me luv" her voice cracked on the last word as she pushed Spike away. She walked into the family room. _Oh God, Oh God, not again I can't do this. Don't make me kill him. Please, don't make me kill him_

TBC

Another Author's Note: Why is Buffy waiting for Giles' call? How did things get this way? All in the next chapters of Trust. If you are reading this, I have found a way (finally!) to post my italics on FF.net. More chapters will come very soon!


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